In a brilliant move that only furthers my desire to one day house myself inside the Googleplex, the good folks at Google have added a new feature to Gmail dubbed “Mail Goggles.” What does this fine little application do, gentle inebriated reader? It adds skill-testing math questions to your mail compositions that keep you from spamming your friends with iPhone captures of your dong at 4 a.m. on a Saturday.

Basically, you add the app to your mail, set hours (say, between midnight and 6 a.m., Friday and Saturday night), and whenever you try to send an e-mail during those hours, brilliant Google asks you COMPLEX MATH QUESTIONS that would likely keep your tired, intoxicated brain from drunk e-mailing your whole extended family. Awesome? Crazy-smart? A disturbing sign of the brutal numbness through which most of us fumble through life in an attempt to protect our fragile hearts from the slings and arrows of true passion and intimate human relations? All of the above, sir.