So I was just regaling someone with the tale of this one house my friends and I used to trick or treat at. It was full of what we thought were cooler older kids, probably engineering students in retrospect, and instead of giving out candy bars each year, they would toss a crumply note into each of our sacks and then shut the door in our young faces. Usually the note would say ‘you suck’ or ‘your friend’s costume is ugly.’ Other times there’d be a drawing of a penis on it. Great, right? Second only to the house that gave out cans of pop. We went back every year.

Anyway, I’m looking wistfully into the street, telling this story, watching the first round of tonight’s trick-or-treaters, and realized that, shit, a lot of these kids’ costumes ARE ugly. I just saw a ghost costume. The worst. That kid probably wanted to be a velociraptor and his boring parents put a sheet on him. You have the opportunity to put make your kid look like the baddest kid ever (especially if they don’t know any better). So do it!

That doesn’t necessarily mean you should do something so offensive as to one-up everyone else on earth (though I guess if it’s in the comfort of one’s home…), but, you know, put some effort into your shiz, damn.

EDIT: And another thing: if you’re gonna cart around your baby while your older kid knocks on doors, at least have the good sense to sandwich-ify it or dress it like a lobster and put it in a pot.

In related news, the award for creepiest DIY costume ever goes to this guy.

And there you have your obligatory halloween content. See you out there.