Sexy Sunday Sports Section: Dec. 7, 2008

Vagin of the week
As if you didn’t know who it would be. This man.

This week in sports history
Today is Terrell Owens’ birthday!

UN-Coolest thing that happened this past week (still)
Raptors head coach Sam Mitchell was fired because the team is supposed to be better and it’s actually worse. Well… maybe the other teams are just better now. Either way, the only Canadian NBA team now has a Canadian head coach in Jay Triano! And it will be like that for at least six games! Six games they will lose! YAY!

In other news, Andrew Bargnani, if you’re reading, I got two words for you: YOU FUCKING SUCK YOU DAZED LOOKING MOTHERFUCKER.

This week in keeping your mouth shut
This week’s event is summed up in an interview with my girlfriend who wishes to remain anonymous:

Me: So what happened this week?
GF: Sean Avery called Elisha Cuthbert ‘sloppy seconds’
Me: Why?
GF: I don’t know…maybe because he’s jealous the other dude (Dion Phaneuf) has her?
Me: And why is it bad to call her sloppy seconds?
GF: Because it’s rude and degrading.
Me: How would you feel if I dumped you for Elisha?
GF: Well she’s pretty and famous so I couldn’t really hold it against you. And then she could introduce me to her actor friends and I could do them. Actor friends like Daniel Craig.

This week’s pop quiz
Would you bang Elisha Cuthbert because:

a) she banged most of your favourite hockey players
b) she is Jack Bauer’s daughter
c) you had a crush on her in Popular Mechanics For Kids
d) she was in Love Actually for 4 seconds

Have any cool sports clips, articles, or ideas for stories? Send them my way luc@juiceboxdotcom.com.

Posted on December 7, 2008 by | Old Stuff | 7 Comments »| Tags: ,


7 Responses »

  1. WHEN WAS SHE IN LOVE, ACTUALLY?!?

    Pretty soon you’ll start telling us she was in Armageddon…

  2. ARE YOU SERIOUS???????????

  3. you know what else she was in? THIS!
    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119782/

  4. I realize this was posted on December 7th. It is now officially January 18th. Yes, the Raptors are still lagging*, but do you take back what you said about Bargnani? At least a little bit? That man is on fire.

    *heavily sugar-coated

    Now, I don’t claim to be an expert in regards to basketball, but I am at every home game, and he’s been pretty fantastic lately. Consistent, too. Which is more than the majority of the other Raps can say. Having him start every game is the smartest thing Triano has done since getting the job, thus resulting in no regret for losing Wilson. In my absolutely personal and very uneducated opinion, something needs to be done about Bosh.

  5. Also. God only knows where the hell I got “Wilson” from. I think I know a guy named Sam Wilson. Fuck. Please replace “Wilson” with “Mitchell” and we’ll pretend this never happened. I need to start proofreading BEFORE sending shit.

  6. Wha’tt u say abut mye playe???

  7. Birkenstock aims to became the health and well being of feet from every walk of life. Nurses, doctors, chefs, flight attendants, school teachers, beauticians, artists; if you spend any amount of time on your feet, Your busy feet deserve unmatched comfort and care. Whether Birkenstock shoes or Birkenstock sandals and clogs, they care for your foot comfort very well.

Leave a Reply