Sexy Sunday Sports Section: October 26, 2008
This week in sports history
It was a Sunday morning. I went downstairs and Dad popped a tape in the VCR. He apologized for making me go to bed early the night before, and then pressed play.
“Joe has had his moments. Trying to lay off that ball, low to the outside part of the plate, he just went after one. Two balls and two strikes on him. Here’s the pitch on the way, a swing and a belt! Left field! Way back! BLUE JAYS WIN! The Blue Jays are World Series Champions as Joe Carter hits a three run Home Run in the Ninth inning and the Blue Jays have repeated as World Series Champions! Touch em’ all Joe! You’ll never hit a bigger home run in your life!”
The date was October 24th, 1993, the day after the Toronto Blue Jays won their second consecutive World Series Championship.
Then they made this.
Coolest thing that happened this past week
The JuiceBox meeting! (no)
My football team for the week
Is there even any point in picking a team? Who the fuck would I pick this week? The Titans? The Redskins? Fuck that. This section of the column is going on hiatus. It will return in week 17. In the meantime:
The Hockey Team I think will finish in last place at season’s end
This section is the new shit. It’s the hot shit. It highlights what team I think will be the literal shit at season’s end (at which point we will find out how long I have been right for). Thus far, the New York Islanders look pretty terrible. Why? Because they have a goalie signed to a 15 year contract (average length is 3) who is often injured. And because no one wants to play there. And because they have a guy named Sean Bergenheim (which is probably the name of the museum he was conceived in).
Cool Athlete Power Rankings (who I wish I was)
1. OJ Mayo (yay a new OJ!)
2. Sean Bergenheim
3. Killian Innerblade
4. Anyone but the GM and Coach of the Bengals
5. Matt Stairs
What I am watching this week
I still don’t have cable, so I can’t watch too much. I try to check scores on my girlfriend’s Blackberry, but that’s about as far as I get. If you would like to start a fund for me to get cable, please contact the editors.
Vagin of the week
Whoever writes the ESPN Hockey power rankings is the Vagin this week. Anybody who refers to hockey fans as “puckheads” and uses comments like “a lack of a win puts the Flyers in le chateau bow wow” has got to be a fucking tool, especially the French part. Fucking Vagin.