Looks like your good friends at JUICEBOXdotcom will be buggering around New York, land of the horse + buggy and no Internet technology (or so we hear), for the next few days. So unless someone (you) picks up the slack, this post here you’re reading will become an all too familiar sight in its current position. At least for a little bit.

But do keep checking. We might surprise you.

And in the meanwhile, TELL ALL YOUR NEW YORK BUDDIES TO SPEND THEIR ALLOWANCES ON US.

This week in sports history
September 24th, 1988 was the biggest day in Canadian Sports history. Three days later, September 27th, the IOC held a press conference announcing that Ben Johnson had tested positive for Stanozolol, an anabolic steroid, and would be stripped of his gold medal in the 100 meter sprint at the Seoul Olympics.

In that week, the age of the steroid scandal was born. During this time, many legendary baseball players have been put to shame (Rafael Palmeiro, Mark McGwire, Barry Bonds), the sport of professional cycling has been reduced to a joke, and every other sport league now has a mandatory drug testing policy. Including golf.

As for Ben Johnson, at first he denied having knowingly used the steroids, but then testified to having doped all through the 80s. Where is he today? Making fun of himself.

Coolest thing that happened this past week
The Dolphins beat the Patriots last Sunday in a major, major upset. I predicted it. I am a genius. On a sadder note, last Sunday was also the final baseball game at Yankee Stadium which will be torn down very soon in favor of a new more powerful Death Star*. You can hate the Yankees all they want, but you can’t argue with the stadium that basically made baseball popular in North America. But you know what ISN’T sad? The Yankees missing the playoffs. Cry all you want Jeter, you little mid air swiveling bitch.

*The Yankees are often referred to as the evil empire and compared to Star Wars.

My Football team for the week
The St. Louis Rams. Yep, worst team in the league by far. But they will beat the Bills.

Cool Athlete Power Rankings (who I wish I was)
1. Ovechkin (getting as much poon as possible before the season starts)
2. Carl Lewis circa 1988
3. CC Sabathia (big money big money big MONEY)
4. Man Ram
5. Everyone on the Tampa Bay Rays

What I am watching this week
Nothing. I am going to NYC with the Giant Killer Shark crew (see below article… and please buy some tickets). Baseball Schmaseball.

Vagin of the week
Lance Armstrong. Okay, your story is real cute and all, but don’t come back. You went out on top – keep it that way! Why do the best ever always make the stupidest decisions? Lance should have at least made something like Space Jam first…