What’s Worst Mondays without a dark and villainous foil? That’s the kind of thinking that forced us to create Best Fridays. So for all our weekend warrior brethren: Wooooo, T-G-I-F, right? Herein we hope to bookend your awful week by quizzing our previous Worst Mondays candidate about slightly more encouraging things. Every Friday!

Alright, this hasn’t been our busiest week. But it was Christmas and we started a record label, so between all the turkey and family and free rock and roll, I don’t feel too bad about the state of things over here.

But we didn’t forget about our friend Jeff Rosenstock and his pretty much the best answers to this crap so far. Plus, we stole his idea for an online-only donation-based record label. Seriously, these are the best answers so far. Everyone else, time to step your game up.

Best injury
About a year ago my friend Brett from the Riot Before came to visit New York right when I moved to Brooklyn. I parked my van with all of my stuff in a nicer neighborhood and longboarded to the bar where we met up. While jumping between bars, we rode the longboard together in the rain and everything was fine. When we got to the next bar, I bought Brett a 32 oz. beer but he’s a baby so kept pouring his beer in my cup. When I left it was pretty cold so I decided to skate to the train station instead was a good compromise between skating home drunk or walking to the train station in the cold. I actually made it just about to the train station fine, but when going up the curb I flew in the air and landed on my wrist. Since I was pretty hammered I didn’t feel anything until I woke up at 6 in the morning because the pain was so crazy. It was either a fracture or a sprain, but since I didn’t have health insurance I just bought a 15 dollar brace at the pharmacy, and tried my best to stay off it ’cause I had a tour coming up. However, I couldn’t refrain from going to the bar without my brace and re-fucking my wrist while high fiving someone who had the same sweatshirt as me, bringing me back to the brace for another two weeks. Dumb dumb.

Best historical figure
Is Doug E. Doug a historical figure?

Best shirt
For my kickball team a few years ago, I took a few hours to painstakingly craft a stencil of Karl Malone’s face for our jerseys (we were Karl Malone and the Mailmen)… the stencil was super thin though, so after like two shirts it looked kinda distorted and gnarly. I got one of the least gnarly shirts and I would wear it every day if it didn’t say “666″ on the back of it… I still wear it quite a bit though.

Best thing to do with $20
What is there besides skipping lots of meals, not eating anything but rice, walking or riding your bike instead of taking the subway, getting your music off the internet, asking your friends to put you on guest lists for their five-dollar shows, then spending that twenty dollars on tipping well on overpriced bottles and cans of beers at bars in Brooklyn? I guess the best way to spend $20 is taking your girlfriend out to dinner or buying your buddies a drink. You owe ‘em.

Best party trick
I can play songs on my face by slapping my hollowed out cheeks. I can also fit my fist in my mouth.

Best monster
In all honesty I thought that the monster that chased Janice Ian from Mean Girls down the subway tunnel in Cloverfield and then dug into her back and made her eyes bleed and her body explode was pretty fucking bad ass. I also thought the smoke monster on Lost was pretty cool, but we need more action from it!

Best question ever asked of you in an interview. Now answer it:
From Scott Heisel, regarding Alternative Press’s 100 Bands You Need To Know in 2007:

“Some meaningful quotes from you about the band—your sound; what makes you special; why you do what they do; which is cooler, monkeys or ninjas; stuff like that. Just responding via e-mail is A-OK for this; no need to set up a phone interview. The more in-depth you can be, the better.”

My answer, circa January 2007: [Ed's note: The following is hilarious, poignant, unedited and far, far, far too long to be on the front page of a blog. Read it.] More… »

At JUICEBOX HQ, we’ve never really had a case of the Mondays because we don’t have real-people jobs. But for those feeling a bit garfield this A.M., feel free to wallow in other people’s most hated things. Every Monday!

Well, this worked out nicely. In case you haven’t noticed, we launched a record label on Friday. Then we were worried if we’d have a good Worst Monday/Best Friday this week. Then Jeff Rosenstock got back to us. Besides playing in a sweet punk rock band, Rosenstock is also the dude behind Quote Unquote Records, the label we blatantly stole the model for Juicebox Recording Co. from. So, thanks!

Rosenstock’s musical career starts with the Arrogant Sons of Bitches, a ska-punk band from Long Island. They were pretty good. Then Rosenstock started making music by himself on his laptop and putting it online for free. This is when shit got real. Under the Bomb the Music Industry! moniker, Rosenstock’s weird laptop-punk rock got really interesting. Careening between sounding like Rx Bandits and Neutral Milk Hotel, Rosenstock was making some really exciting music. And he was releasing it in a (as far as we all know) brand-new way: online, for free, and with a sugested PayPal donation. The idea worked. Kids downloaded the band’s music from Quote Unquote Records’ website, they donated enough money to keep the whole thing afloat, and Rosenstock began touring Bomb the Music Industry! as a weird punk rock collective that only sometimes played with a drummer.

Since then, Bomb the Music Industry! has recorded an album with live drums (!!!) and Quote Unquote has released a shitton of great music by bands like Cheeky, the Riot Before, and We Versus the Shark. And, as of last week, they’ve now influenced at least one group of people to totally rip them off. Kudos, bros.

Worst day-job
My least favorite day job was this one temping job I had at an investment banking firm. I know that sounds interesting as hell to begin with, but my duties were particularly thrilling. My job was to push around a soda cart and make sure that each conference room had two cokes, three diet cokes, two snapples, etc. Once or twice a day I would also refill the refrigerators where these sodas were coming from. Pretty sweet, right? A lot of my job consisted of sitting down and doing nothing and staring at the wall. My supervisor who I was sharing a workspace with told me I couldn’t use the internet, so I was relegated to reading the extensions on the wall for hours until my soda cart round came up. One day I was working and there was a newspaper on the desk, so I was reading through it instead of staring at the wall. After about an hour of reading the paper and being told that there was no work to do I clarified, “Well, it’s okay if I read this paper then while I’m waiting to do the soda cart thing,” to which my supervisor said, “Actually, no it isn’t.” When I said, “Okay, well I just really think it isn’t useful for me to sit and stare into space for eight hours,” I was given the exciting task of taking Windex and wiping down all the cabinet doors in the entire office. That job shiiiiiiit.

Worst haircut
I think that the worst haircut I ever had was when I was a kid and I asked my barber to spike my hair, but my brother had already had spiked hair and I guess someone didn’t want us to have the same haircut so my barber gave me what was called a “parrot spike”, which is apparently when your hair is slicked back. So I looked like a fucking asshole eight-year-old, but I guess since I don’t have a photo of that one here’s a photo of me making a decision as an adult to look like a fucking asshole twenty-year-old.

Worst subculture
The worst subculture ever takes place in Brooklyn and can kinda be described as when hipsters hate hipsters. Basically a bunch of kids who are super snobby and pretentious about the music that they like and I guess they feel so guilty about being shitty that they spend a lot of their time making fun of people who act like that. There is an easy cure which is simply being more open minded about the things other people like and not being an asshole if you think their taste is lame. This also applies to white kids who have helped to gentrify their neighborhoods complaining about gentrification as well as college graduates complaining about college kids.

Worst date
I honestly don’t think I’ve ever been on a date ’cause I am a pretty bad socializer. One time I was hanging out with my girlfriend at our apartment on a cold day when we were getting cozy in bed and I put on City of God which is based on a true story and has a lot of kids getting murdered. She wasn’t too pumped.

Worst invention
Condoms. Guys, am I right?

Worst purchase
When I was on tour this summer I bought a bunch of keyboards at Guitar Center which they assured me I could return within 60 days (one keyboard) or two years (other keyboard). I bought them just to fuck around with every intention to return them when I got home as I couldn’t afford them, but I was lied to about the return policy and man, I could really use that eight hundred bucks right now more than I can use a heavy ass midi controller with weighted keys and drumpads that don’t do anything. Also, any miniature guitar I’ve ever bought has been a pretty fucking stupid purchase.

Worst way to die
How does pain work? Do you stop feeling pain once it’s just so crazy that you can’t deal with it? If pain is always pain then I think that having your skin peeled off and being eaten alive would be pretty bad. If not though, then getting buried alive would be awful especially cause you’d have to be alive for a while before you die in a small box of your piss and shit. Drowning also seems pretty terrible ’cause breathing rules shit.