Posts Tagged ‘king khan’

BEST FRIDAYS: with King Khan

Posted on June 20, 2008 by

What’s Worst Mondays without a dark and villainous foil? That’s the kind of thinking that forced us to create Best Fridays. So, for all our weekend warrior brethren: Wooooo, T-G-I-F, right? Herein we hope to bookend your awful week by quizzing our previous Worst Mondays candidate about slightly more encouraging things. Every Friday!

His record came out this week! He’s still awesome! He’s still the same dude!

Best injury
I had both lungs collapse in the span of one year. The first was operated on by a student doctor (a Vermonstrous Birkenstock-wearing permed bitch) who never actually performed this before in her life and had the procedure explained to her on the telephone about 15 minutes before doing it.

She had to put a hole in my chest and run a chest tube in to pump air back into my lung. I asked her to put me out ’cause I did not want to see her put a hole in my chest. She assured me that it wasn’t painful and applied some local anesthetic. Then she stabbed me repeatedly with a scalpel and then tried to pry open the hole to fit the chest tube in. First she used her fingers and then pliers… I was screaming my ass of ’cause the local anesthetic did not work.

To add insult to injury, she put in a chest tube with a plastic bag attached to it and said I could go home! She sent me home with my mom who had a Renault 5. When we arrived at home, the tube had ripped up the insides of my lung because of the bumpy ride and I couldn’t breathe again. My mom called an ambulance and I was rushed back to the hospital. I had to get two other chest tubes ’cause the one that Dr. Death made caused so much damage. I was hospitalized for about two months after that and was spitting up prune sized scabs out of my mouth that were from the deep recesses of my lung. The only positive side to this was that I had a morphine pump with a button that I figured out could give me shots of morphine every 8 minutes. I also booked the first US tour for the Spaceshits at that time from my hospital bed completely whacked out on morphine. Just goes to show you that YOU CAN’T STOP ROCK N ROLL!!!!!

Best historical figure
Jeff Clarke from Demon’s Claws. Not only are his intials J.C. but if Jesus was a small viking overlord who could write tear-jerking ballads about going to a clinic to get genital warts removed than maybe this world would be little less fucked up and little more fur-covered and jizz-stained.

Best shirt
The best shirt I owned actually belonged to Paul Spence (guitarist of CPC Gangbangs). I stole it from him ten years ago for a job interview or a date (I can’t remember). Since then I wore it for my first album cover, at my wedding and while my first child was born (which was incidentally nine days after the wedding… hehe). If I had known how handy that shirt would be I would have stolen some pants to go with ’em.

Best thing to do with $20
Feed my kids or buy a bike off a crackhead (for my kids).

Best party trick
Skin watch is always a hit at the parties I go to. What time is it?!

Best monster
The Creature from the Black Lagoon ’cause he is a romantic as well as a hideous beast, and we both share a passion for blond women.

Best question ever asked of you in an interview. Now answer it:
Would you like some fries with that? Yes Preeeze!!!

Worst Mondays/Best Fridays | | 1 Comment »

WORST MONDAYS: with King Khan

Posted on June 16, 2008 by

At JUICEBOX HQ, we’ve never really had a case of the Mondays because we don’t have real-people jobs. But for those feeling a bit garfield this A.M., feel free to wallow in other people’s most hated things. Every Monday!

King Khan is one of those self-made rock ‘n’ roll legends that makes you realize why playing loud music and making up fake names is totally kick-ass. He’s from Montreal, lives in Germany, and is probably cooler than you.

kingkhan.jpg

Khan started causing a ruckus in the mid-’90s with Montrealers Spaceshits, back when he was using the name Blacksnake and working the low-end as a bass player. Then he moved to Europe, re-christened himself King Khan, and started playing with some dude who’s been in Stevie Wonder’s backing band.

After joining back up with fellow Spaceshitter Mark Sultan, the two graced the cover of every cool magazine you know as the King Khan & BBQ Show. While kicking it with BBQ around the world as a stripped-down garage-rock duo, Khan still found time to exercise his way more bombastic demons with the Shrines, a 12-piece music-thing that basically defies genre stereotyping.

Now he’s preparing to release The Supreme Genius of King Khan and the Shrines this Tuesday on Vice Records, before going on tour and totally blowing your mind for life.

Worst day-job
I worked for a company called Mr. Grasshead. It was a Chia Pet rip-off made out of nylon stockings stuffed with sawdust and grass seeds. I had to stuff these things and then make a funny face on them. I would come home and have sawdust everywhere, even up my nose. Usually I could make, like, 30 in one hour, but I got stoned with a friend at lunch once and I only managed to make two in one hour. My boss sent me home early and the last thing she said to me as I was leaving was, “Don’t smoke so much next time!” In retrospect she was quite nice. It was Mr.Grasshead that I hated. I had one in my room for years and mushrooms started growing out of it.

Worst haircut
I got a very wide mohawk haircut at a friends house when I was in grade nine, and when my mom picked me up from his house she beat me up in the car while she was driving home. She is normally not a violent person, but she thought I must’ve been on drugs to want a haircut like that and went ape shit.

Worst subculture
Gothic Ska or Skothic… Actually, worse than that is definitely ICP.

Worst date
I took my date for dinner and dancing, but when we got back to my place I was feeling weird and couldn’t breathe so well, so I turned in. About twenty minutes later, a friend of mine bursts into my room and tells me that my date had to go to the hospital ’cause she was having some allergic reaction to something we ate at dinner. I thought I must be having the same thing so I went to the same hospital and it turned out that my lung had collapsed. So after the date we both ended up at the hospital… Me with a collapsed lung and her with an allergic reaction to PIZZA?!?! I am really happy we didn’t try to have sex after dinner, since it might have scarred us for life or maybe even killed us. The rest of what happened to me in the hospital is equally entertaining but falls under the “best injury” question. [Ed.’s note: come back on Friday to find out just what further lung-collapsing entertainment Khan has in store…]

Worst invention
Compact discs.

Worst purchase
The movie Zardoz starring Sean Connery as Burt Reynolds. It is painful to watch.

Worst way to die
Watching the film Zardoz starring Sean Connery as Burt Reynolds.

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