As reported yesterday over at my day job, that once-awesome band the Smashing Pumpkins were in night two of sucking hard in New York City when dark overlord Billy Corgan invited a heckler from the first night on to the stage. Dark hilariousness ensues.

Nice one, Billy. You bad ass. “Take Your Dick Out Of My Ass and Stick It In My Mouth”? You wrote a book of poetry called Blinking with Fists. Shut up. Forever.

This week in New York City sports history
On October 1st, 1961, Roger Maris hit his 61st home run of the season against the Red Sox (fittingly), breaking Babe Ruth’s single season record (although the Babe played fewer games a year). Steroids and Corked bats aside, this record still stands.

Coolest thing that happened this past week in New York City
Giant Killer Shark happened. It was amazing. A dude on the subway thought we were Dave Matthews Band, and told Aaron Zorgel (infamous JUICEBOXdotcom poster) “you look like the guy in that football movie.” I also went 2-4 in the Annual Central Park chess tournament (but actually).

In other news, the Yankees and Mets both missed the baseball playoffs in the same year both their stadiums are being torn down, which is basically the best thing ever. The Mets lost at home on the last day of the season, forcing them out of the playoff spot, and immediately following the game they had a celebration for the stadium.

My New York City Football team for the week
Giants, Giants, and morrreeeeeeeeeeeeee Giants!!

Cool New York City Athlete Power Rankings (who I wish I was)
1. Eli Manning
2. Plaxico Burress (his first name is PLAXICO!)
3. Parnell, the guy who mangle fucked me in the chess tournament.
4. Henrik Lundqvist
5. Anyone not on the Islanders

New York City Vagin of the week
All the players, coaches, executives, board members, cheerleaders, beer vendors, all time greats, and fans of the Mets (that means you too Seinfeld).

Looks like your good friends at JUICEBOXdotcom will be buggering around New York, land of the horse + buggy and no Internet technology (or so we hear), for the next few days. So unless someone (you) picks up the slack, this post here you’re reading will become an all too familiar sight in its current position. At least for a little bit.

But do keep checking. We might surprise you.

And in the meanwhile, TELL ALL YOUR NEW YORK BUDDIES TO SPEND THEIR ALLOWANCES ON US.