Posts Tagged ‘porn’

(Obvious porn-related Facebook pun goes here)

Posted on July 15, 2008 by

In a series of actions that can only be described as totally awesome, some Canadian “internet company” that “specializes in pornography” (I’m sure their other ventures include knitting how-to and clambakes) tried to hack into Facebook, like, 200,000 times in mid-2007 in order to steal user data and, presumably, use it to sell everyone buckettons of porno.

The suit that Lord Zuckerberg brought against the tiny Canuck cyber-pervs has landed Facebook a cool $500,000 settlement with everyone over at SlickCash (yeah, pretty cool guys) banned from using Facebook for 10 YEARS. Bummertown, dudes. See you over at www.cartoonporn.com, I guess.

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BEST FRIDAYS!: with Bruce LaBruce

Posted on June 6, 2008 by

What’s Worst Mondays without a dark and villainous foil? That’s the kind of thinking that forced us to create Best Fridays. So, for all our weekend warrior brethren: Wooooo, T-G-I-F, right? Herein we hope to bookend your awful week by quizzing our previous Worst Mondays candidate about slightly more encouraging things. Every Friday!

We return again to Bruce LaBruce. While he’s probably increased in value on the grand scale of awesomeness since Monday, we won’t blab about him again. And not just because we’re lazy.

Best injury
When I was about ten I was playing with home-made slingshots with my hateful older brother one weekend. They were made of mason jar rings. When I was aiming one, I let go of the wrong end and the elastic snapped back and hit my right eye. It was the most painful thing I have ever experienced.

My iris – or something – filled up with blood and all I could see was white. I thought I was going to be blind, so I was wailing. My mother said, “Don’t worry, you’ll still have the other eye,” which made me wail even more.

On the way to the hospital we had to stop for gas and a bee got into the car, so my mother had to stand there at the gas station with me wailing while my father shooed it out. It was quite a spectacle.

At the hospital they decided not to operate, but instead I had to lay flat on my back for a week, with both eyes bandaged, and not move. This was very difficult for a ten-year old. It was kind of spooky, and I think it scarred me for life, although I did gain back all the sight in the eye. Now a cataract has formed around the scar.

Best historical figure
Oscar Wilde.

Best shirt
My Raspberry Reich t-shirts (modeled here by my Belgian friend Fred).

Best thing to do with $20
Poppers!

Best party trick
One-handed cartwheel. You can see me do it at the end of my movie Hustler White.

Best monster
Otto! You can see him in my new melancholy gay zombie movie, Otto; or, Up with Dead People. Best monster not of my own creation: Liberace!

Best question ever asked of you in an interview
In a recent interview somebody asked me what my favourite Madonna song was and I said, “Where Life Begins.” Later in the same interview they asked me what was the most embarrassing question I’ve ever been asked was, and I said “What’s my favourite Madonna song.”

Worst Mondays/Best Fridays | | 1 Comment »

Because some people are perverts

Posted on June 4, 2008 by

I promise we won’t go making a habit of this. But some things are just so strange you have to share them with the world. Here I am, thinking that people are coming here to read about cool dudes like our boy LaBruce or to check out Iggy Pop’s fave celeb crush. No, folks, people are using JUICEBOXdotcom for far more interesting, important purposes.

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Yes, our own Ashley Carter. While I have my own theories about this mysterious Googler, Ashley maintains that she is “totally scared” that “people want to see my kooter.” Good luck, folks. We’re a FAMILY WEBSITE.

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WORST MONDAYS: with Bruce LaBruce

Posted on June 2, 2008 by

At JUICEBOX HQ, we’ve never really had a case of the Mondays because we don’t have real-people jobs. But for those feeling a bit garfield this A.M., feel free to wallow in other people’s most hated things. Every Monday!

For our first edition, we give you Toronto’s own Bruce LaBruce. Well, he wasn’t born here, but we own him just the same. If you’ve never heard of him, you’re probably not all that great. But click and recognize.

In the ’80s, Bruce was a shit-kicking punk rocker, establishing the seminal queer punk zine J.D.s with fellow awesome punk G.B. Jones and publishing it until 1991, by which point they had left an indelible mark on both punk and gay culture. But besides being one of two dudes to literally define queercore (read: give it a name and a manifesto), LaBruce also writes some things, takes some pictures and makes some movies (I think we dropped out of the same film program!).

Since his 1991 feature debut, No Skin Off My Ass, he has become one of this country’s (and probably the world’s, we don’t travel much) most revered cult filmmakers, consistently finding totally new weird ways to combine porno, punk rock, and politics in movies like Hustler White and The Raspberry Reich. Oh, and he co-wrote Screeching Weasel’s “I Wanna Be A Homosexual” which is an “awesomely bad ass” song according to Sam, who really doesn’t care about movies.

Bruce is currently doing the festival thing with his new zombie flick, the most excellently titled Otto; or, Up with Dead People, which had its world premiere at Sundance this past January.

Anyway, we could write a lot of awesome things about Bruce LaBruce but this about hate.

JUICEBOX: Worst day-job
LaBRUCE: After high school for two summers I worked at the Bruce Nuclear Power Development Station to help put myself through university. There were three zones of contamination, so every time you went from a higher zone to a lower one you had to monitor your hands and feet in a machine in case you got a big dose. If you got a dose, they hosed you down. It was just like Silkwood. The second summer there I was on an odd-job crew, which meant occasionally cleaning toilets. So I guess the worst day-job I ever had was cleaning toilets at a nuclear power plant.

Worst haircut
In the eighties I sort of dabbled with New Wave before I went Punk, so I used to shave about an inch over each ear but have it long at the top and at the front. It was very, very gay. Fortunately I don’t have photos of it.

Worst subculture
Log Cabin Conservatives

Worst date
I used to date a hustler whom we called Joe the Ho. We were going out for some months, and one night he asked me to meet him at some crappy dive bar off Dundas Street East. I can’t remember the name of it but it was on about a par with the Canada Tavern. When I showed up he was with a kind of butch-looking girl whom he introduced as his girlfriend. I was totally plucked. I didn’t even know he had a girlfriend. To make things worse, she was in the army! He was supposed to be all lefty and anti-that. We got really drunk on cheap pitchers of beer and I ended up in a fight with him. Later he would become a neo-Nazi skinhead, but that’s another story. Still later, when he had AIDS, he used to work the Oak Leaf Steam Baths in a wheelchair! But that’s also another story.

Worst invention
CGI.

Worst purchase
Powder Blue Crushed Velvet Elephant Pants.

Worst way to die
Premature Burial!

Worst Mondays/Best Fridays | | 10 Comments »

TIGER BOP! Ron Jeremy

Posted on May 11, 2008 by

When we here at JUICEBOXdotcom HQ are afforded the opportunity to talk to someone really actually famous, the first thing on our minds is HOT CELEB GOSSIP. In Tiger Bop!, we cut to the bone of what it means to be a sexy celeb who loves to shop and has secrets and crushes and advice for being in high school. OMGZ.

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What’s a first d8 with Ron Jeremy like?
The first date, since we haven’t had any kind of sex yet, they’re paying. That’s not entirely true. First date with me is always exciting. I might eat off your plate, an extra neighbour’s plate, the plate down the block, the plate next door, I’m a human garbage disposal. But it will be a fun date. You’ll never be bored.

What’s your FAVE thing to eat?
Your mom. No, I like shrimp. Big fan of seafood. I like shrimp, lobster, caviar, things like that. And your mom.

Do you have a celeb crush?
Yeah. Actually, not a crush, but I’d want to do Britney Spears. Pam Anderson, Michelle Pfeifer, Daryl Hannah, Lindsay Lohan… the ones that all the kids get a kick out of, I’d get a kick out of doin’ ’em. You know, I knew Kevin Federline pretty well. My agent books him, very sweet guy. But don’t let him know that I’d like to mess around with Britney. Not that he’d really care at this point.

Could we go shopping together?
I don’t shop. Half the things I have are free. These rings are gifts, [he begins pointing to items on his body] gift, gift, gift, gift, gift. So everything I’m wearing pretty much is a gift. People call me America’s guest.

Do you have any pets?
A Russian tortoise. She’s from Afghanistan. Her name is Cherry.

(With files from Anthony Vasquez-Peddie)

Features, Tiger Bop! | | 5 Comments »