At JUICEBOX HQ, we’ve never really had a case of the Mondays because we don’t have real-people jobs. But for those feeling a bit garfield this A.M., feel free to wallow in other people’s most hated things. Every Monday!
Well, this worked out nicely. In case you haven’t noticed, we launched a record label on Friday. Then we were worried if we’d have a good Worst Monday/Best Friday this week. Then Jeff Rosenstock got back to us. Besides playing in a sweet punk rock band, Rosenstock is also the dude behind Quote Unquote Records, the label we blatantly stole the model for Juicebox Recording Co. from. So, thanks!
Rosenstock’s musical career starts with the Arrogant Sons of Bitches, a ska-punk band from Long Island. They were pretty good. Then Rosenstock started making music by himself on his laptop and putting it online for free. This is when shit got real. Under the Bomb the Music Industry! moniker, Rosenstock’s weird laptop-punk rock got really interesting. Careening between sounding like Rx Bandits and Neutral Milk Hotel, Rosenstock was making some really exciting music. And he was releasing it in a (as far as we all know) brand-new way: online, for free, and with a sugested PayPal donation. The idea worked. Kids downloaded the band’s music from Quote Unquote Records’ website, they donated enough money to keep the whole thing afloat, and Rosenstock began touring Bomb the Music Industry! as a weird punk rock collective that only sometimes played with a drummer.
Since then, Bomb the Music Industry! has recorded an album with live drums (!!!) and Quote Unquote has released a shitton of great music by bands like Cheeky, the Riot Before, and We Versus the Shark. And, as of last week, they’ve now influenced at least one group of people to totally rip them off. Kudos, bros.
My least favorite day job was this one temping job I had at an investment banking firm. I know that sounds interesting as hell to begin with, but my duties were particularly thrilling. My job was to push around a soda cart and make sure that each conference room had two cokes, three diet cokes, two snapples, etc. Once or twice a day I would also refill the refrigerators where these sodas were coming from. Pretty sweet, right? A lot of my job consisted of sitting down and doing nothing and staring at the wall. My supervisor who I was sharing a workspace with told me I couldn’t use the internet, so I was relegated to reading the extensions on the wall for hours until my soda cart round came up. One day I was working and there was a newspaper on the desk, so I was reading through it instead of staring at the wall. After about an hour of reading the paper and being told that there was no work to do I clarified, “Well, it’s okay if I read this paper then while I’m waiting to do the soda cart thing,” to which my supervisor said, “Actually, no it isn’t.” When I said, “Okay, well I just really think it isn’t useful for me to sit and stare into space for eight hours,” I was given the exciting task of taking Windex and wiping down all the cabinet doors in the entire office. That job shiiiiiiit.
I think that the worst haircut I ever had was when I was a kid and I asked my barber to spike my hair, but my brother had already had spiked hair and I guess someone didn’t want us to have the same haircut so my barber gave me what was called a “parrot spike”, which is apparently when your hair is slicked back. So I looked like a fucking asshole eight-year-old, but I guess since I don’t have a photo of that one here’s a photo of me making a decision as an adult to look like a fucking asshole twenty-year-old.
The worst subculture ever takes place in Brooklyn and can kinda be described as when hipsters hate hipsters. Basically a bunch of kids who are super snobby and pretentious about the music that they like and I guess they feel so guilty about being shitty that they spend a lot of their time making fun of people who act like that. There is an easy cure which is simply being more open minded about the things other people like and not being an asshole if you think their taste is lame. This also applies to white kids who have helped to gentrify their neighborhoods complaining about gentrification as well as college graduates complaining about college kids.
I honestly don’t think I’ve ever been on a date ’cause I am a pretty bad socializer. One time I was hanging out with my girlfriend at our apartment on a cold day when we were getting cozy in bed and I put on City of God which is based on a true story and has a lot of kids getting murdered. She wasn’t too pumped.
Condoms. Guys, am I right?
When I was on tour this summer I bought a bunch of keyboards at Guitar Center which they assured me I could return within 60 days (one keyboard) or two years (other keyboard). I bought them just to fuck around with every intention to return them when I got home as I couldn’t afford them, but I was lied to about the return policy and man, I could really use that eight hundred bucks right now more than I can use a heavy ass midi controller with weighted keys and drumpads that don’t do anything. Also, any miniature guitar I’ve ever bought has been a pretty fucking stupid purchase.
Worst way to die
How does pain work? Do you stop feeling pain once it’s just so crazy that you can’t deal with it? If pain is always pain then I think that having your skin peeled off and being eaten alive would be pretty bad. If not though, then getting buried alive would be awful especially cause you’d have to be alive for a while before you die in a small box of your piss and shit. Drowning also seems pretty terrible ’cause breathing rules shit.