REVIEW: Chaos Theory (Dir. Marcos Siega)
Posted on July 23, 2008 by Tristan Loker
If I were to write a quick summary of this film (which I won’t), I would call this movie boring. But sometimes Ryan made really cute and playful faces that made me giggle.
It may come as a surprise to few that with all my vast writing knowledge and experience, I have never reviewed a DVD before. So when I was handed Chaos Theory I thought to myself… why the hell am I going to start now?
In fact, the only reason I put this movie in the DVD player was to inspire my girlfriend to have Ryan Reynolds role play sex (better than makeup sex if you can get her to be Ryan). Needless to say, I couldn’t get her to do it (we compromised and I made her play me instead) and the heartbreak of her refusal got me thinking: Why can’t my girlfriend be Ryan Reynolds?
Instead of writing a review of this movie, I will write an appeal to girlfriends everywhere explaining why guys want to fantasize about Ryan Reynolds and why girls should concede to (my) role-play demands. I thought the most effective way to do this was to write him a new resume. I call it ‘Ryan Reynolds is a cooler, better, sexier person than you: The Resume.’
RYAN RODNEY REYNOLDS – SUPERSTAR
Personal Information
Height: 6′ 2″
Weight: More than you but with less fat
Hair: Brown
Eyes: Soft Brown
Education
Failed high school drama but will still make more money than you ever will
Relevant Experience
Rachel Leigh Cook
Alanis Morisette (also of Full House fame)
Scarlet Johansson
Films I have filled with badassery
Van Wilder
Blade 3
Waiting…
Television you own on DVD
Two Guys, and a Girl and a Pizza Place (BERG!!!!!111!)
Outer Limits
X-Files
Sabrina the Teenage Witch (Television Movie)
Training
Dad was a boxer
Proficient in finding fireworks from Indian reservations
Fan of competitive eating
Has an eight pack
Owns more motorcycles than you
One time went skydiving and his parachute failed to open
FAQS
What makes you so heart warming?
My adorable expressions and ignorance of the missionary position
Did you really turn down the role of Xander in Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Yes. I was too busy lifting houses (underage girls)
Hobbies
I enjoy long walks inside your girlfriend
In Conclusion: Does anyone know of a Halloween store open this time or year? More importantly one specializing in Ryan Reynolds?
