Posts Tagged ‘sarah palin’

Going Fucking Rogue

Posted on October 29, 2008 by

null

I always want to write more about the current American election here. But then I spend an hour reading news and opinion everywhere else on the internet and question how much I truly have to add to the discourse (although I evidently feel my thoughts matter to the world when it comes to Australian DUI cases). Still, there are some things that we here at the Mother Corporation simply cannot ignore. Right now that thing is the phrase “going rogue” to describe the current behavior of No. 1 Crush Sarah Palin. She’s not listening to McCain’s advisers! She’s going off-message! She’s already plotting her run for the crown in 2012!

There isn’t a joke to be made about her that hasn’t been made twelve and a half times on SNL, but seriously, don’t you dream of a day when someone says you’ve “gone rogue” and that they can no longer control you? Fuck, it’s such a rad phrase. I hope one day you go rogue and I’m like, “Who’s reading Juicebox? Oh, shit, they’ve gone rogue!”, and we make a post about your rogue-ed-ness and then Huffington Post blogs about it and two weeks later you’re on TMZ in a bikini. GOING ROGUE HOLY SHIT I LOVE IT EVERY TIME.

Old Stuff | | 3 Comments »

in honour of last night’s debate

Posted on October 8, 2008 by

From Craigslist SF Valley, courtesy of our good friend Eleanor:

NEED SARAH PALIN LOOKALIKE ASAP FOR ADULT FILM

Looking for a Sarah Palin lookalike for an adult film to be shot in next 10 days.

Major adult studio.

Please send pix, stats etc. ASAP

Pay: $2000-3000

No anal required

* Location: LA
* it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: $2000-3000

And we’re back. Thanks for your patience. Hugs and kisses.

Old Stuff | | 8 Comments »

Too Magic

Posted on September 2, 2008 by

I had dreams when we started this little blog-o-zine (over ONE HUNDRED POSTS AGO). Dreams about politics, and the writing about them. But there are people who do it better and are smarter, and really, when you’re offering in-depth analysis of Colin Farrell’s dong and kitten hats, who cares what you think about, say Sarah Palin? Well, goddamit if Sarah Palin isn’t just such an unfathomable trainwreck of a politician that she kind of makes sense here. Let’s discuss! I’M SO EXCITED.

  • She doesn’t believe in teaching kids about condoms. Her 17 year-old daughter is pregnant. Seriously, this crazy woman supported abstinence-only sex-ed programs as Governor of Alaska. Now her unwed daughter has a baby in her. Awesome.
  • She spoke at the annual conference of the Alaskan Independence Party this year. Their goal? To “become a separate and independent nation”. Weird, right? Check out their polar bear logo. Weirder.
  • She lied in her speech Friday when she accepted the Vice Presidential nod from McCain and stated that, when Congress wanted to build a “bridge to nowhere” in Alaska, she said “Thanks, but no thanks.” Right. Oops.
  • She loves earmarks. Just loves them. But now she hates them! HATES EARMARKS.
  • She fired a guy for not firing a guy who was a dick to her sister. No doubt the last guy was a total asshole. And using the immense power you wield as a high-ranking state politician to exact the kind of justice you just can’t as an ordinary citizen is pretty rad. And being able to lie about it in public and still be named someone’s Vice Presidential running mate is noteworthy. Wait. Maybe this rules.
  • Her husband has a DWI.
  • 7. McCain’s lawyers just showed up in Alaska now to vet her. Like, today. Way to move it, boys.

In closing, this must be how Republicans felt in 1972 when McGovern bungled any chance he ever had of winning the presidency by not bothering to spend some time looking into this guy named Eagleton, who ended up being crazy and ruining America for the next billion years. So, ecstatic.

Old Stuff | | 8 Comments »