Posts Tagged ‘wtf’
WE GET IT, IT’S COLD, BUT CMON
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THE KIDS TODAY: Colombian Muling
Posted on December 10, 2008 by Ben Rispin
Ben Rispin has played in a lot of bands (like the Video Dead and the Saint Alvia Cartel). He’s toured with some more bands he wasn’t even in (like Jersey). And he was nominated for a Juno for Best Rock Album (really). With The Kids Today, he shares his years of hard-earned wisdom with a new generation of totally sweet dudes and ladies.
So this is a different kind of Kids Today. This is more of a cautionary tale about not to trust napping outside of Canada.
My friend Cam’s brother’s name is Guy. Guy is a nice “guy.” A little rough around the edges, enjoys simple pleasures like hustling money, having “cold ones,” and hurting people (especially Cam).
Recently in life Guy has met a girl in Colombia and has been spending time there. I think there is talk of marriage but I guess time will tell.
So on Guy’s last trip he was taking a nap on the beach. Guy felt something tickle his arm, figured it was just a bite of some sort. When Guy got home, his “bite” had become bothersome. He started to think it was a massive ingrown hair. Fevers started accompanying the pain.
While spending time at Cams, Guy started messing with this “ingrown hair.” It was starting to pus and Cam described it to me as being the size of a nipple.
He then mesed with it a bit and something long and black seemed to fall out. He tugged on it and Cam swears it was a leg.
Guy went to the doctors and they figured it was a bot fly. Apparently a type of fly that lays eggs in flesh. He scheduled his appointment to have this bot fly removed surgically and got on medication for his fevers. The fevers just got worse and worse.
He went in for the procedure and what they found was not a bot fly at all but a freaking tarantula!!!!!!!! It was still in the sac and was using his arm as a womb!!!!!!! It was laying belly up and maturing into a full blown spider!!! FUCKING GROSS!!!!!!!
He was getting fevers due to the venom leaking into his system. If he had waited much longer he probably wouldn’t have survived. That shit is just fucking crazy.
Posted on November 26, 2008 by Ashley Carter
Okay, seriously, any theories on this one?
It was found by a woman walking along a path in a wooded conservation area on Saturday. And it was well hidden.
But now police in a small Massachusetts town are trying to figure out how it got there and who might have left it at its lonely perch.
The object that has cops scratching their heads in the town of Harwich is a rather large Baldwin piano – complete with a bench. The woman who found the instrument in a local park told authorities it caught her eye as she was passing by.
When they went to investigate, they found an expensive piano that appeared as though it had just been played.
But there was no one around to claim it, it didn’t seem to belong to anyone, and there were no indications how it got there.
Cops are especially baffled because they know it couldn’t have been a one man job. They estimate it would have taken at least six people to move such a heavy object into such a remote spot.
Yet there it sat with nary a scratch on it and no clue as to its origins or arrival.
Authorities have since removed the instrument from the woods and are checking with other police agencies in the state to see if anyone’s reported a missing or stolen piano.
But so far, they’ve been unable to find the key – or in this case, the keys – to unlock the mystery.
I just feel bad for the spooky ghost who this clearly belonged to. How is he supposed to spend his solemn evenings in the woods now?
Batman sues Batman
Posted on November 13, 2008 by Ashley Carter
In keeping with the COMICSCOMICSCOMICS theme that we seem to be pushing here at JBdotcom lately (thanks Stats), and to whore ourselves ever so slightly to the terrifying influx of traffic being linked here through Dinosaur Comics (thanks Ryan), let’s chat about this little oil town in Turkey called Batman. Wikipedia tells me it has a population of 246,700, and that their coat of arms looks like it was drawn by me.
Anyhow, currently the mayor is suing Warner Bros. for using his town’s name in this low-budget b-movie we keep hearing about called The Dark Knight.
Okay, there’s really no way to make this funnier than it already is:
Mayor of Batman sues WB, Nolan
Batman has a new adversary: Batman.
The mayor of an oil-producing city in southeastern Turkey, which has the same name as the Caped Crusader, is suing helmer Christopher Nolan and Warner Bros. for royalties from mega-grosser “The Dark Knight.”
Huseyin Kalkan, the pro-Kurdish Democratic Society Party mayor of Batman, has accused “The Dark Knight” producers of using the city’s name without permission.
“There is only one Batman in the world,” Kalkan said. “The American producers used the name of our city without informing us.”
No one from the town of Batman has explained why it took so many years to take legal action. Batman first appeared as a comicbook character in 1939 and the “Batman” TV series started in 1966. Tim Burton’s first bigscreen rendition for Warner Bros. came out in 1989. Undoubtedly the fact that “Dark Knight” is about to pass the $1 billion mark at the B.O. played a part in stirring the ire of the Turkish hamlet.
The mayor is prepping a series of charges against Nolan and Warner Bros., which owns the right to the Batman character, including placing the blame for a number of unsolved murders and a high female suicide rate on the psychological impact that the film’s success has had on the city’s inhabitants.
Former natives of Batman are also said to have encountered obstacles when attempting to register their businesses abroad . . . (more)