THE KIDS TODAY: Colombian Muling

Ben Rispin has played in a lot of bands (like the Video Dead and the Saint Alvia Cartel). He’s toured with some more bands he wasn’t even in (like Jersey). And he was nominated for a Juno for Best Rock Album (really). With The Kids Today, he shares his years of hard-earned wisdom with a new generation of totally sweet dudes and ladies.

So this is a different kind of Kids Today. This is more of a cautionary tale about not to trust napping outside of Canada.

My friend Cam’s brother’s name is Guy. Guy is a nice “guy.” A little rough around the edges, enjoys simple pleasures like hustling money, having “cold ones,” and hurting people (especially Cam).

Recently in life Guy has met a girl in Colombia and has been spending time there. I think there is talk of marriage but I guess time will tell.

So on Guy’s last trip he was taking a nap on the beach. Guy felt something tickle his arm, figured it was just a bite of some sort. When Guy got home, his “bite” had become bothersome. He started to think it was a massive ingrown hair. Fevers started accompanying the pain.

While spending time at Cams, Guy started messing with this “ingrown hair.” It was starting to pus and Cam described it to me as being the size of a nipple.

He then mesed with it a bit and something long and black seemed to fall out. He tugged on it and Cam swears it was a leg.

Guy went to the doctors and they figured it was a bot fly. Apparently a type of fly that lays eggs in flesh. He scheduled his appointment to have this bot fly removed surgically and got on medication for his fevers. The fevers just got worse and worse.

He went in for the procedure and what they found was not a bot fly at all but a freaking tarantula!!!!!!!! It was still in the sac and was using his arm as a womb!!!!!!! It was laying belly up and maturing into a full blown spider!!! FUCKING GROSS!!!!!!!

He was getting fevers due to the venom leaking into his system. If he had waited much longer he probably wouldn’t have survived. That shit is just fucking crazy.

Posted on December 10, 2008 by | Old Stuff | 10 Comments »| Tags: , , ,


10 Responses »

  1. I told you.
    this is exactly why I am afraid of spiders.

    good god.

  2. i’m gonna git you, tristan
    omnomnomnom

  3. NO WAY URBAN LEGEND.

    ?

    why does juicebox post this stuff you KNOW what it will do to my dreaming life.

  4. nuh uh. look at that girl and spider, obvz real.

  5. AAAAH COMON FUCKIN GUY

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPeHk4WMWpY

  6. I would have called urban legend too if i hadn’t seen the scar for myself. the shit happened.

    side note: Chuggo rules

  7. now it is entirely possible that Guy lied to us and it was in fact a boy fly. he was the only one who wet to the doctors.

  8. Thank god we have something to talk about here besides how douchey it is when I write about politics.

    Also this scares me. Hold me, Benjamin.

  9. maybe the scar was from when he met a girl in a bar and she took him back to her house, and he woke up in the morning in an ice filled bath tub and ALL HIS ORGANS WERE REMOVED!!!!1

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