I had dreams when we started this little blog-o-zine (over ONE HUNDRED POSTS AGO). Dreams about politics, and the writing about them. But there are people who do it better and are smarter, and really, when you’re offering in-depth analysis of Colin Farrell’s dong and kitten hats, who cares what you think about, say Sarah Palin? Well, goddamit if Sarah Palin isn’t just such an unfathomable trainwreck of a politician that she kind of makes sense here. Let’s discuss! I’M SO EXCITED.
- She doesn’t believe in teaching kids about condoms. Her 17 year-old daughter is pregnant. Seriously, this crazy woman supported abstinence-only sex-ed programs as Governor of Alaska. Now her unwed daughter has a baby in her. Awesome.
- She spoke at the annual conference of the Alaskan Independence Party this year. Their goal? To “become a separate and independent nation”. Weird, right? Check out their polar bear logo. Weirder.
- She lied in her speech Friday when she accepted the Vice Presidential nod from McCain and stated that, when Congress wanted to build a “bridge to nowhere” in Alaska, she said “Thanks, but no thanks.” Right. Oops.
- She loves earmarks. Just loves them. But now she hates them! HATES EARMARKS.
- She fired a guy for not firing a guy who was a dick to her sister. No doubt the last guy was a total asshole. And using the immense power you wield as a high-ranking state politician to exact the kind of justice you just can’t as an ordinary citizen is pretty rad. And being able to lie about it in public and still be named someone’s Vice Presidential running mate is noteworthy. Wait. Maybe this rules.
- Her husband has a DWI.
- 7. McCain’s lawyers just showed up in Alaska now to vet her. Like, today. Way to move it, boys.
In closing, this must be how Republicans felt in 1972 when McGovern bungled any chance he ever had of winning the presidency by not bothering to spend some time looking into this guy named Eagleton, who ended up being crazy and ruining America for the next billion years. So, ecstatic.