OH MY GOD! DID YOU SEE THAT SALE THAT URBAN OUTFITTERS WAS HAVING ON BOXING DAY??? IT WAS SO FUCKING INCREDIBLY AWESOME! $14 RUBBER DUCKS WITH DEVIL HORNS! 50% OFF UGLY KNITTED GLOVES!

Well I saw it, and I stayed away from it and other such sales. You probably didn’t though, and that’s why you’ll need these top 10 ways to save money during the 2009 recession:

10. Get that shit used
Unless you’re really adamant about having a hardcover copy of Twilight with the 10% off Indigo sticker on it, I suggest you consult places like Craigslist beforehand for pretty much anything you want to buy. Or even ask your friends! Or your mom! (Hot?)

9. Walk
Walk to the bar, to your friend’s house, to the eye exam, to your booty call. Or steal a bike in the summer. Either way, you will feel healthy and save the planet all at once. Plus you will work up an appetite for that booty call (also free. I hope).

8. Cheap Films
Go to Rainbow Cinemas, or whatever fucking theatre in your little town lets you see movies for $7 and under. Or look up where movies are playing for free. The movie won’t be good, but its something to do once you…

7. Dump your girlfriend
Ladies beware, if you constantly ask your boyfriend to cab everywhere or to stop making pasta every night, you may soon be dumped. Gentlemen - the bitch has got to go.

6. Revert to College Party Mode
Cheap bars, cheap beers, cheap bitches. If going to places like “Lot 332″ and “Cheval” are costing you dicks and asses in expensive vodka 7s and cab rides to follow your crush around, then maybe heading back to your old digs to drink $11 pitchers is the smart thing to do. After all, people born in the 1990s turn 19 this year! (Gross)

5. Don’t use condoms
I’m kidding. Please use them.

4. Drink Water
Get yourself one of those thick plastic containers Sam has on the end of his backpack and fill it water. Don’t buy that bottle of Dasani or Spritz Up – fill up at your friends house. Again you will feel like you are saving the environment (key words = “feel like”).

3. Don’t go back to school
Just don’t. People always say this is a good idea. Just go take one class or pickup a For Dummies book on the topic you want to learn about. Just like they’re doing at York right now. Zzzzzzzzzzing!

2. Take up a hobby
Chess is fun. Learn it, then come over and challenge me. I’m serious. I’ll give you a pudding if you can beat me.

1. Ditch newspapers, read JUICEBOXdotcom
Check this one off the list. Way to go! Now pickup the phone and tell Stacey you never want to see her again. Then walk to a free movie, moneybanks.