At JUICEBOX HQ, we’ve never really had a case of the Mondays because we don’t have real-people jobs. But for those feeling a bit garfield this A.M., feel free to wallow in other people’s most hated things. Every Monday!

What’s up: Dan Werb. Realize. Respect. And so on. Besides being one-half of the only electro-pop band to ever beef with Danko Jones, Werb is a funny guy who makes the sweet keyboard sounds that make you dance so hard in this band Woodhands. They went to China and were on the cover of Eye. Haters.

We here at JBHQ first met Mr. Werb at the Steamwhistle Brewery. We were shooting a video which involved pretending Werb, along with his better musical half, Paul Banwatt, had been hired as brewmasters. This involved being given copious amounts of free beer and running around an empty brewery at night, so we were pretty predisposed to think they were the greatest people to hang out with ever. Having since run into them without a pitcher of free beer in my hand, I can officially say that they’re rad dudes and that I think Ashley Carter has a crush on this Werb guy.

So basically, Woodhands are great, they have this record called Heart Attack that’s really good, and someone at the magazine I work for called them “as close to a two-headed indie Timberlake as it gets,” which is a pretty sweet quote I wish I wrote. So I will give them a new best-bio quote: “Handsome guys with keyboards and some drums and shit.” Look out, world of journalism.

Oh, and Dan’s got this really elaborate list of pizza toppings that he refers to as “the Werb,” and it’s actually really great. You should try it.

Worst day-job
Busboy at a bar in Kitsilano, Vancouver, where sad thirtysomethings hung out to try this crazy new drug called cocaine.

Worst haircut

Worst subculture
Haters.

Worst date
The one that led me to date a girl who then broke my heart into six pieces.

Worst invention
Nuclear weapons.

Worst purchase
I bought a bike for a girl who then kicked a hole in my heart. Incidentally, she couldn’t even ride bikes.

Worst way to die
Keelhauled underneath a barnacle-encrusted oil freighter.